At This Time

When I was unexpectedly laid off last year—as opposed to when I was somewhat-expectedly laid off some 7.5 years prior—the first thing I did (after lather, rinse, and repeating my way through the disbelief, sorrow, and rage post-job-loss stages) was apply for all open jobs in my field within a hundred-mile radius. I think there were two.

Because the very first job I applied for was something that was entirely suitable to my skills—if not my tolerance for long commutes, being, as it was, oh, about 1.5 hours away from my home—and I was quite sure I'd receive an opportunity to interview with the company. That was, in fact, the main reason I'd applied: seven and a half years between jobs had left me feeling a bit rusty in the interview-skills department, so a realistic practice session, I thought, could only help.

So while this far-away company of the excellent benefits and reasonable pay rates was on my radar, it was only just on the fringe edge, and once I progressed from applying for actual job openings to stalking the remotest possibilities of potential employers by writing to them after finding their name and address in the telephone book, I admit that I forgot all about that first application. I knew it had been received, because they sent me an entirely unflattering form e-mail to tell me so, but I knew not what had happened after that.

With this in mind, then, you can imagine my surprise when I got a letter from these fine folks just about 250 days after I applied. Holy crap, Batman, if I hadn't found a "real job" by then, I'd've been working two half-jobs to scrape by, as my unemployment benefits would have been exhausted to the point of DEAD roughly 120 days prior. In neither case could I have possibly summoned any enthusiasm for this note, either, but I guess at least they had the decency to follow-up, albeit in a ridiculously delayed fashion.

I considered including the entire text of the message here—with specific details neatly obscured, of course—but only until my paranoia reared up and flailed about frantically, shrieking about "IDENTIFYING INFORMATION IN THE TEXT" and so traumatized was I that I could not even bring myself to state the exact date on which I received the letter. Because, you know, job recruiters obviously have lots of time to troll backwater blogs like this one looking for big-mouthed—or large-fingered, as the case may be—whiners to put on a company-wide, anti-hiring blacklist. Hey! It could happen!

Suffice to say, words like "canceled" were used in describing the position for which I had applied, phrases like "updated daily" were used in describing the source by which I had located the position in the first place, and something remarkably like "good luck" appeared in reference to my job search. Which, I guess, was nice of them, although it would be a lot nicer to hear back from a company in a time frame appreciably less than that which it would take to GESTATE A HUMAN BEING.

Although, when I think about it, perhaps there was a method to their madness after all, because receiving such a letter after so ridiculously many days was certainly much easier to take than had I received it while I was still in the desperate, thrashing throes of joblessness. This way, I got a good laugh out of it.